A husband and wife who had been married for centuries in heaven once told Emanuel Swedenborg this about how the state of their marriage changed over time:
“At first our state was similar to the initial state of a maiden and youth when they first come together in marriage. Moreover, we believed at the time that that state was the most blissful state we could experience in life. But we were told by others in our heaven, and we afterwards perceived for ourselves, that it was a state of heat not yet tempered with light. We found that it is gradually tempered as the husband is perfected in wisdom and as the wife grows to love that wisdom in her husband, which is achieved through and according to the useful services which each of them performs in society with the other’s help. We also found that new delights then follow as heat and light or wisdom and its accompanying love are tempered each with the other.” (Married Love 137:3)
I love the progression that they describe of believing one thing, being told something else by others, and then eventually perceiving that new reality for themselves. It reminds of the marriage conference that I got to attend this past weekend.
It had been over a decade since I attended a marriage conference. I don’t remember when I first attended a marriage conference, but I do remember that I led a workshop at one in 2009, when I was a theolog and hadn’t even been married for a year. Suffice to say, my experience this year was different than when I attended in 2009. I perceived for myself the truth of what other people were saying in a different way than when I was younger. And I am sure that couples who have been married for decades longer than I have perceived much more than I did.
The other people in the heaven of that angelic couple who talked to them while they were still in the bliss of first coming together must have known that that young couple didn’t really get what they were saying. They could trust, though, that that couple would perceive those things for themselves in time, after they’d spent some years working to be useful in society, with each other’s help. And it was still useful for that couple to hear those truths, even when they didn’t really understand them yet (perhaps, especially when they didn’t really understand them yet).
What a blessing that the Lord, in His mercy, offers us teachings from His Word to guide us in our relationships, even when we really don’t get it. What a blessing that we get to share what we’ve learned in our relationships with other people and also benefit from what other people have learned in their relationships. Many thanks to Lori and John Odhner for many years of providing space in many different forms for people to do just that for each other.